Peg’s Journal

My girlfriend sent this to me. I found it hilarious and true. I only have 2 kids, and most of them already apply to me. HAHAHAHA!

WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOUR 1ST, 2ND, 3RD CHILD:

YOUR CLOTHES:

-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH:

-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

-2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember the last time that breathing didn’t do a thing.

-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

THE LAYETTE:

-1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean & discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

WORRIES:

-1st baby: At the first sign of distress, a whimper, a frown, you pick up the baby.

-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

-3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

PACIFIER:

-1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

-2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.

-3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

DIAPERING:

-1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.

-2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.

-3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

ACTIVITIES:

-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

GOING OUT:

-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

AT HOME:

-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

-2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

SWALLOWING COINS:

-1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

-2nd child: when second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.

-3rd child: when third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!